"Be open to being born anew each day."
writer and Raising Mothers editor Sherisa de Groot on building community while living abroad, rejecting rigidity, and becoming more radical and more in touch with herself after becoming a mother
Hello there! Welcome to Write More, Be Less Careful, a newsletter about making space for creative practice in a busy life. My next book, The Good Mother Myth, will be out in January 2025, and you can pre-order it now!
This is a good creatures interview, a series that explores the intersection of caregiving and creative practice. I’m so excited to showcase people doing lots of kinds of caregiving—people caring for kids or pets or other family members and/or caring for space through gardening or community work or activism—and lots of kinds of creative work.
If you know (or are!) a good creature whose work we should feature, send me an email—you can just reply to this newsletter.
Today’s interview is with
, a writer and editor who’s the force behind Raising Mothers and Literary Liberation. When Emily Pérez and I were working on The Long Devotion, Sherisa’s work in Raising Mothers was such an important model for us in terms of the really wide range of mothering experiences presented. Sherisa describes her new project, Literary Liberation, as a companion to Raising Mothers and a space to focus on writing, wellness, and parenting practices. She’s featured some incredible writers so far, and I’m really excited to see how that project continues to grow. Below, we talk about her experience living abroad, how becoming a parent taught her to allow for more ease in her creative life, and the caregiving influence of her mother and grandmother.
Who do you care for?
I care for and am cared for by my two children, my partner, our cat, and myself. I am also cared for by my friends around the world and my family back home. We facetime weekly or send each other 10 minute long voice notes to keep connected. It’s taken some time to get to that point after 14 years living abroad, but it’s been a driving force in my feeling grounded and still “here”. My first few years living in Europe, I struggled with the feeling of “out of sight, out of mind”. It felt like my life changed so much (it had) and while life was moving fast, I fell outside of that time. It took a lot of asking for what I need and also divorcing my ego and being the friend I needed to build the type of relationships I have today.
What kind of creative work do you do?
I am a writer, editor, and founder of Raising Mothers and Literary Liberation. Raising Mothers is a digital literary platform that focuses on the parenting and personal narratives of the Global Majority. Literary Liberation is a learning community for writers, artists and activists to grow in their craft and deepen their wellness practices. Right now we’re primarily focused on the writing aspect.
My creative work also involves my sometimes baking, learning how to cook all of the Jamaican dishes I grew up eating into a vegan version to connect my children with that part of their heritage, and braiding my children’s heads each week.
What’s changed in your creative life since becoming a caregiver?
I have always been interested in exploring familial and interpersonal dynamics and I always thought the medium would be words. As I grow as a caregiver, I want to explore those in new ways: using textiles and other art forms. I haven’t had the time, but I do have the ideas and when the moment presents itself, I’ll give it a try.
I’ve learned to allow for more ease in whatever I am working on. Rigidity is a leftover from mindless productivity (the kind I feel we are all indoctrinated to perform in Western society) and it’s been a disservice to my sense of self. Don’t be fooled; I’m still working on it. So learning to reject that in any manner that I can always feels like I’m slaying the dragon.
What is difficult about being creative and a caregiver?
Being on-call 24/7 is probably the most difficult. My children need me (now in different ways than when they were smaller) and this feeling of no down time really took a toll on me. It wouldn’t be as difficult if I had a community I could depend on, but that’s sometimes the cost of immigration. I’ve learned to adapt. If I can remember, I’ll jot notes down or leave a voice note to myself. I’ve never loved the idea of having to “steal” time, but sometimes that’s exactly what it feels like. At this stage, I can tell them I need a few hours and they will try their best to not disturb me and I’m grateful for that. When I was a child, I had my grandparents and my aunt, cousins and a sibling to turn to. They don’t have that so I remind myself I am sometimes all those things and while it’s overwhelming, it’s just reality.
And while not creative in the literal sense meant here, I would be remiss to not mention my mother and grandmother, my two major caregiving influences. To imagine a life outside of the comforts of where you were born and raised and all that you’ve come to know exists, to start anew with oceans separating you is not for the faint of heart. It wasn’t for necessity. To realize I’ve followed in their footsteps, moving as far as my grandmother moved is something I hold deep respect for since the communication abilities we have today you couldn’t imagine in the 1950’s or even the 1980’s.
Is there someone who inspires you that both fosters a creative practice and is a care-giver?
I’ve had the great fortune since becoming a parent of growing in community with writers of all ages and stages of parenthood via Raising Mothers. I learned first from my friends who poured into me as I embarked on parenthood, writing me letters that shared the truths of what I might or will encounter. They were honest and full of love and all anyone could ask for. I’ve learned best from my friends who are maybe 10 years my senior as I watch them navigate their writing lives, caregiving and doing the hard work of reparenting themselves.
What are some creative milestones you’re looking forward to? Or ones you “missed” due to the both/and aspects of your life?
As I get older, those 30 by 30 and 40 by 40 lists used to really make me feel like I was a failure for not achieving what society says I should by that age. But something also happened once I turned 40. I suddenly stopped caring. I remember when I just graduated college and I emailed my former high school AP English teacher about my next steps in life. She suggested getting a job I could leave at work so I could spend my time working on my creative pursuits. It was a brilliant idea and could have worked if I wasn’t such an observant person. It’s been 20 years and I haven’t written a book yet. I will though. I think if I were still in my 20s I would be harsher on myself because while I rejected capitalism, I still bought into productivity.
I’m looking forward to being able to live off of my creative ventures. I’m looking forward to writing my first book, and my second book. I’m looking forward to Raising Mothers turning 10 in 2025. I’m looking forward to easing into my middle age knowing that all I’ve lived through has brought me to this point and the work I’ll produce will reflect all that living, learning, and loving.
How do you balance creative practice with care-giving?
I’m really just now at a point where I feel good about learning to prioritize my creative practice. I’ve always said that life is on a pendulum. When it sways one way (parenting) my attention and energy are needed there, which means I have less energy for my creative practice. This pendulum doesn’t obey the law of physics. It’s been in one direction for almost 10 years (it restarts when you add more children) and it’s now begun to swing in the opposite direction. I have bursts of energy and less feelings of selfishness and guilt for wanting to pursue my interests more deeply. I’ve had Raising Mothers to keep me going this entire time. It’s much easier for me to focus on the work of others than it has been to focus on myself. That change is happening now and it’s exciting because I feel like I’m waking up to myself.
Know that your time is no longer yours alone and instead of building resentment, see the world through these new eyes. Be open to being born anew each day.
What advice would you give someone who has a creative practice and is embarking on becoming a caregiver?
The first 5 years are the test. Be prepared to have everything tested. Spend your time really focusing on who you are and who you want to be. If you do that, everything else can fall into place. This isn’t a 3-month task. It’s long-term. Those years can change everything for you if you don’t resist. The worst thing we can do in that time is to forget ourselves. Know that your time is no longer yours alone and instead of building resentment, see the world through these new eyes. Be open to being born anew each day.
What has caregiving given you / taken away from you?
I’ve learned so much about myself. Prior to having kids I was subconsciously terrified of the idea of childbirth (I watched far too much The Body Atlas on TLC as a 90s kid). When I became pregnant, that idea resurfaced in a new way: I couldn’t imagine the spiritual act of being that open, that in tune with nature and trusting that it would take me to the other side a new being. A few weeks before I gave birth, I felt a shift. I was able to forgive relationships that deeply hurt me and I felt the weight lifted from my shoulders. Once I had my first born (it was quick), I realized that there wasn’t only one new person born at that moment–there were two. I’ve become more vocal, more radical, more in touch with my truest self.
Caregiving has opened me to the child mind when it comes to art and creativity. I live in a family of creative people. My husband used to be an illustrator and designer but now works in music. Both of my children have artistic skill and complex imaginations. They don’t live with restriction and I love it. I’ve tried not to say “you can’t do that” too often because I want them to be true to themselves. I find it especially important as children of color that they know there are no limits to who they can be and how they can express themselves. There’s enough restriction in the world surrounding us.
On the flip side, caregiving has taken away the illusion of infinite time. I’ve struggled on and off with the idea that I’m not doing enough, not as far as I would like to be, not as visible as I should be. In those valleys, ego has stepped in and done a number on me. Where I am fearless for my children, I have felt timid for myself. Sometimes I’ve felt that I only have so much that I can give, and my natural tendency is to give the best to my children. That’s changed as we all have grown together. In the past few years, now that I don’t have toddlers anymore and their independence has grown, I’ve reclaimed my own footing. Instead of being frozen by the idea that time is “running out” and I haven’t “accomplished anything” I make a habit to zoom out and look at all I’ve done on the macro level. All that I’ve affected. I have at least 5 full time jobs, all unpaid, haha, but everything I touch is a work of art because I put my love into it.
Long answer short, it’s given me perspective, courage, grace, lessons learned and triumphs earned.
Sherisa de Groot is a writer, editor and founder of Raising Mothers and Literary Liberation. Her work has been featured in various publications, including Kindred by Parents, Refinery 29, Mutha Magazine, and Oldster Magazine and she was a contributor to the book ‘100 Diverse Voices on Parenthood’ by A Kid’s Company About. With a focus on intersectionality and social justice, her writing explores the nuances of motherhood and the experiences of mothers and marginalized genders of the Global Majority. Through her work, she aims to amplify the voices of those who have been historically silenced and create a more equitable world for all. You can follow her pretty much everywhere @raisingmothers and @litlib.
She also writes the newsletter A Home Within Myself, where she explores being a third generation immigrant, perimenopause, identity, race, parenting, and a host of other things. You should definitely give it a read and subscribe!
This August, we’re celebrating 9 amazing years at Raising Mothers with a month-long membership drive! Help us reach 100 annual subscriptions by the end of August. Monthly subscriptions cover one essay a year, annual memberships cover two, and founding members cover three. Your support ensures we pay at least $50 to each contributor and set rates for illustrators. Join now and make a difference!
more good ideas about kids and art
poet Karen Rigby, on writing inspired by fashion and other art forms
poet , on how her daughter’s art practice inspires her
a “brain warming pattern practice” from artist
Write More, Be Less Careful is a newsletter about why writing is hard & how to do it anyway. You can find my books here and read other recent writing here.
If Write More has helped you in your creative life, I’d love it if you would share it with a friend.
 | A guest post by
|
Thank you for the opportunity and allowing me to preserve this snapshot in my life. ❤️