"Now, I understand how precious my creative time is--and how fleeting."
writer and speaker Mary Joan Cunningham on prioritizing self-care after an MS diagnosis and how becoming a mother inspired "focus and an intense drive to get. it. done."
Hello there! This is a good creatures interview, a series that explores the intersection of caregiving and creative practice. I’m so excited to showcase people doing lots of kinds of caregiving—people caring for kids or pets or other family members and/or caring for space through gardening or community work or activism—and lots of kinds of creative work.
If you know (or are!) a good creature whose work we should feature, send me an email—you can just reply to this newsletter.
Today’s interview is with Mary Joan Cunningham, a storyteller, writer, and speaker whose work on health and wellness has garnered a cover story on Health Monitor magazine and earned her a spot as a featured speaker at Prevention magazine’s health summit. I got to know Mary when she reached out and shared that how her MS diagnosis has shaped the creative work, health education, and advocacy she does. I really loved her story of learning to care for herself after her diagnosis, and I suspected lots of readers managing autoimmune conditions or other chronic illness would connect with her drive to sustain a creative life through those health challenges. Below, we talk about the writers who inspire Mary, her memoir in progress, and how she grabs inspiration in the swirl of a busy life with a toddler.
Who do you care for?
My 14-month-old daughter, Lois. Plus a husband and two Pomeranians, Oso and Zorro. My parents are mobile and in fairly good health (all things considered), but they are in their mid-70s, so there’s a fear of what could be coming soon. I moved away from them last year, right after having my first child; it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I also have multiple sclerosis, so my own health care is a caretaking unto itself. I’m very lucky to still be independent and mobile after living with this disease for ten years. When I was diagnosed, I was single and not yet a mother, and had more time to be extremely proactive about my health. I completely transformed my life to serve my health better: I left Manhattan and moved to rural Texas—joining my parents in their retirement lifestyle—to start undoing all the stress I’d put on my body. In addition to taking conventional medication for MS, I also focused on functional health principles, looking at essential building blocks that could help my body overall, not just disease symptoms. Basics like: getting quality food and sleep, regular exercise and overall stress management . . . all things that go out the door when you’re a caretaker.
What kind of creative work do you do?
I’m a writer. By trade I’m a copywriter, content writer and brand storyteller for companies. Personally, I write a Substack called Fierce Resilience twice a month, sharing resilience fundamentals (along with a hefty dose of storytelling) to help others find a way to get through life’s hardest moments, no matter how big or small. I’m also finalizing a book proposal for a memoir that tells the story of how I went from a go-hard New Yorker to living on a farm with my parents at 35 years old (...until I was 39!), and how that major life upheaval helped me find my husband.
What’s changed in your creative life since becoming a caregiver?
Focus and an intense drive to get. it. done. I thought I pushed myself to produce creatively before but I realize how much time I spent in doubt and going in different directions. Now, I understand how precious my creative time is—and how fleeting. Personal creative projects hang in a precarious balance because the momentum of family life and other obligations is so strong, the current could just sweep me away. Between caretaking and work, it feels like I’m granted moments to create only after I’ve pried open a slit of time with a crowbar of sheer will. And if my will gives out—if I succumb to the exhaustion of caretaking or the demands on me as the lead wage earner or the exhaustion of MS—then the many, beautiful creative projects I dream of bringing to life could be swept away too.
(I know, I know, I sound intense. I think it’s pretty clear I’m at the point in new motherhood where everything feels hard. …But thankfully not impossible.)
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Is there someone who inspires you that both fosters a creative practice and is a care-giver?
Definitely. When caretaking life feels like an insurmountable obstacle to creative output, I remind myself that Toni Morrison was a single mother to two trying to establish her writing career while working a day job in publishing. Bless that woman, I can’t even imagine.
She’s got a great quote: “Women owe themselves their whole selves, as much as they owe their children their best selves.” Many days this feels like a lot to accomplish, but knowing that so many creatives have struggled so hard amid life’s demanding circumstances to bring their art out into the world is a huge inspiration.
What’s your creative philosophy and how has it expanded with the addition of caregiving?
I believe that creative ideas come to us from a higher place, and it’s our job to bring them out into the world.
explains this so well in Big Magic. It takes some pressure off us creatives to see ourselves as vessels. But the catch is that if you aren’t able to take action, then the idea will find another vessel to bring it to life.This philosophy felt inspired before I became a mother, though now it might be stressing me out a little! It feels like there’s a very loud clock ticking. (But this is why I love the title of your Substack, Write More, Be Less Careful—that’s the zone I need to be in!)
What do you do to help activate the switch (if it is a switch) between creative-brain and care-giving brain? (Is it possible to switch?)
No switch, it all swirls together. Perhaps if I were caring for an elderly or disabled loved one the energy would feel different, but since my caretaking is for my young daughter, there are creative bursts in unexpected moments as I tap into her wonder and excitement for the big new world around her. (I use my iPhone Notes app all the time to try to catch on-the-go creative epiphanies)
What advice would you give someone who has a creative practice and is embarking on becoming a caregiver?
Be kind to yourself and allow time to find a rhythm.
What advice would you give someone who is a caregiver that wants to start a creative practice?
A great starting point is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I wish I’d read it so much earlier in my creative journey. Depending on the kind of caretaking, it might be hard to do morning pages first thing every day, but it’s such a powerful tool and wonderful source of support and inspiration for creatives ready to bring their vision to the world. And going back to my earlier answer, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert is a phenomenal source of inspiration and support.
a question for you
Mary’s description of “the swirl” between caregiving brain and creative work felt so apt to me, especially if you’re in a particularly intense phase of caregiving, like life with a toddler! I appreciated how she described trying to grab those “creative bursts” she experiences watching her daughter explore the world by tapping notes into her iPhone.
What tricks do you have for capturing “creative bursts” during your workday or caregiving time?
Mary Joan Cunningham is a professional storyteller, speaker and writer living with multiple sclerosis. As a result of her diagnosis, she created tools to inspire others to thrive through anything that life throws their way. This mission earned national recognition, including a profile on the site Mogul, and a cover story on Health Monitor magazine. She was a finalist on Austin’s 40 Under 40 list and a featured speaker at Prevention magazine’s health summit.
Beyond the world of health and wellness, she’s been featured in Time Out New York and also on “The Wendy Williams Show” as an authority on gift giving. Her essays have appeared in The New York Daily News, Livestrong.com, The Mighty, Huffington Post and elsewhere.
Today she speaks to audiences big and small, creating unique talks for companies, universities, charities and wellness groups that inspire immediate and actionable positive life changes.
You can find Mary on Instagram at @mary_joan_cunningham and follow her regular dispatches on resilience in her substack, Fierce Resilience. Read more at MaryJoanCunningham.com and ThrivewithMS.com.
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Thank you BOTH so much for sharing this! Your openness and insights are so appreciated. I wish you both very well and good health and writing!
I really relate to the topics of prioritizing and treasuring family time, and having lots of writing ideas I'm working on and want to work more on, and the importance and value of health and self-care.
Thank you both SO much for sharing!